• Wendy McClure

Bad behaviors – The need to be right

Wow…I really do have a lot of bad behaviors! This is a big one for me. It has caused a lot of stress in my life arguing with people over things that really don’t matter. I’m still working on it but I’m getting better. The absolute worst is when you are insisting that you are right and someone google’s it and proves you are wrong. Ugh…I hate that! I mean, it never happens to me but I can imagine! I kid, of course.

Communication is what’s helpful. It’s easy and natural to get mad. But talk about the reasons you are mad.

More than the need to be right; I like to make sure the information being given is accurate. Especially with all the talk of “fake news” which makes me absolutely crazy. I’ve been pretty insistent on being right when it comes to work because I want to make sure the information is correct when announcing it on the air. But I really don’t know everything and I’m not always right…as much as I hate to admit it.

But I am guilty of insisting on my rightness and holding my ground when it actually ends up hurting instead of helping. That is my stubbornness kicking in and being stubborn along with the need to be right is not the greatest pairing.

But going back to the quote from Dr. Phil…would you rather be right or happy? There are times I have fought with my husband and I will give him the silent treatment (although, he probably secretly loves that!) Who does that really help? Now, I’m not as bad as my parents were. My mom would go days without speaking to my stepfather and us kids if she was pissed at us. I rarely do the silent treatment at all anymore…it’s really not helpful in any way. Communication is what’s helpful. It’s easy and natural to get mad. But talk about the reasons you are mad. The person you are mad at may think it’s something completely different than what you are really upset about.

I had gotten into a huge fight with my sister awhile back. I had felt like she was taking me for granted. I felt like she owed me an apology and/or a thank you for a situation that had happened. I thought I had tried to broach the subject to her in a calm, rational way but I don’t think I succeeded. We had a bunch of words back and forth and then didn’t speak for 6 months. In addition to my need to be right I though it was a matter of teaching people how to treat you. I thought that since she knew all I wanted was a thank you or an apology and refused to give it then I wasn’t very important to her. I felt like it wasn’t a lot to ask. What should I have done? I should have said the above sentence to her. So she knew exactly where I was coming from. I should have said I don’t want to fight but I am really upset about this. She saw the situation entirely differently and that’s okay. We worked it out. Now, we talk almost everyday. But this is what tends to happen when we insist that we are right. In the end…do you want to spend your life not speaking to someone because of a perceived slight? That’s up to you but it seems a little silly. Fortunately, the older we get the more we realize what is really important in life.

So the next time you are mad about something think about if you will be mad about it next year, next month, next week. Is it worth it? Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? It really is as simple as that. You often end up torturing yourself the most in these situations anyway. So let it go. Move on. Have your say and be satisfied with the fact that you did your best.

If someone is treating you like crap…that is a completely different story. If you have tried to tell someone you don’t like the way they make you feel and they continue then it’s time to give them the heave-ho! Don’t let anyone treat you badly but talk about it. You have to decide how important people are to you and if the good they bring to your life outweighs the bad.

So try to let go of the need to be right all the time. I know it’s hard, trust me. But if I can make progress I know you can too. It’s just not worth it to have to be right. In fact…let people go on about something you know they are obviously completely wrong about. Just nod your head and say nothing. It’s fun!  There is great satisfaction when they are insisting they are right when you know they are not.

It’s a “I wish it were cocktail Friday” Thursday! Now go have your best day yet.

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