• The Hopefulist

Believing in yourself!


Yesterday we talked about making the decision to do what it takes to be happy. The next step is to believe it is possible. And trust me, I know how hard this can be. I know it can be hard to believe in yourself and the worthiness of you achieving your dreams and goals. It can be hard to even like yourself let alone love yourself. My not so big secret is that I loathed myself for many years. There was so much about me that I didn't like but seemed unable to change. But for those things that I couldn't seem to change I embraced instead. I found some good in my bad traits and made them work for me. Meanwhile, I'm still working on those traits I really hope I can eliminate at some point.


I've been a pretty rash and reactive person most of my life. This doesn't serve you very well. But there are times that it did serve me. Mostly in the fact that it brought me to living at the shore full time. Something I've wanted to do for years. You may have heard the story before but we were living in a condo in Bucks County when the board was really pissing me off. They sent me a notice they were raising my condo fees (not unusual) by 8% but they actually raised it 12%. It didn't matter what they said in the notice they were charging me a 12% increase and if I didn't pay it then I would be in trouble. I was also fighting with them over a parking spot. We had assigned spots and about two years earlier I had gone through all the proper channels to have mine moved for the mud pit I was assigned to another one that wasn't really used. Luckily, I had a letter granting my request but yet there was a big issue with my parking there at one point and there was a lot of back and forth about it. I had just had enough. I was furious. I put the condo on the market for exactly what we would need to just break even to send them a message that this was how far they had pushed me. Not that I thought they really cared but it made me feel better. Again, rash and reactive. In this case, it worked out. We got a full price offer within five days. Wow, we did not expect that. But yay...we are getting out of the hell hole! That is when we moved to the Jersey Shore full time.


Meanwhile, I'm still trying to work on this trait. For the most part I have gotten a lot better but there are still times the beast comes out and I lash out. Recently I remember having a conversation with my sister about my girl Rachel Hollis who she is not a fan of. I felt she was judging her harshly and unfairly and I lashed out at her and just flat out said she was wrong. I have thought about that many times since then and never apologized so I'm doing it now. That was my old beast rearing it's ugly head and I'm not proud of it. But we are all a work in progress, right?


My very long point is you can also find situations where your worst traits have served you in some sense. They mostly don't but every once in awhile. I believe there are some traits we have that can be easily changed if we put in the work and then there are others that are just so inherent in our nature it seems impossible to change. If you want to change and improve, then do that. But if it still comes out occasionally don't be so hard on yourself. We are all human and far from perfect.


Part of the process of believing in yourself and loving yourself is to change the way you think about and treat yourself. Berating and belittling will never give you the desired outcome. Grace and patience will. And honestly, if you don't like yourself how can you expect others to? You can become exactly the person you want to be but it will take some time. Don't expect to wake up one day and be a completely different person. That is very difficult, if not, impossible to do.


So where do we start? With self talk and positive affirmations. As silly as they sound and how uncomfortable they may make you feel, they work. You don't have to stare at yourself in the mirror and repeat them. You can write them on your mirror and read them to yourself, put post it notes in spots where you will see them often. When you read these statements take a moment, just a moment to let it sink in and give yourself a chance to really believe it can be true. I am brave. I have courage. I am good with money. I am calm and easy going. I have the power to make all my dreams come true. I will lose 15 pounds. These are just a few examples.


Figure out a couple of affirmations that you feel you need the most work on. And for goodness sake, stop being so hard on yourself. You are the only you there is and you are trying your best. It's time for a break on belittling and berating.


It's Thursday and it's snowing again. What a surprise! Our lagoon is even frozen now. I think it will thaw out though once the sun starts shining. Fingers crossed. Now post those affirmations all over. Make one of them say....I am a badass. Because you are and I'm right here, cheering you on.

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