• The Hopefulist

Building confidence


Confidence is one of those things we often feel we don't have and don't really know how to build it in ourselves. It's extra difficult because confidence in women can come across as obnoxious or arrogant even if we are just doing the same things that men are doing. If we pat ourselves on the back then we are full of ourselves. If we say we are just lucky than we are dishonoring ourselves and making other women think it wasn't because of how hard you worked or that you even deserve it. It's that fine line that is almost impossible to balance. So here is my advice about confidence...show it off. Show it loud and proud. Don't worry about what the others say. If they think you are full of yourself or cocky then let them. Who cares.


That is one of the issues we women have when it comes to making our way in the world. We want everyone to like us. And that's understandable. Most people want to be liked. But not at the expense of your own self-worth and confidence. The people that really count in your life know your heart and know who you really are so don't worry so much about it. Because the thing is if you are successful and powerful people will try to tear you down. Sadly it is mostly women that do this to each other. I follow a number of very successful women and they face a lot of hate. We want women to be successful but not too successful or celebrate that success. Have you ever found yourself judging someone that has found some success in their lives whether it be someone you follow on social media, a neighbor, co-worker or even someone you watch on television?


I've said this before and I'll say it again, women can be so empowering and lift each up other so much but they are equally as good at tearing each other down. So keep this in mind when you start to flex your confidence muscles. There will be those who will try to tear you down because they are jealous. They wish they had the confidence and ability to give yourself credit so they lash out. They make you look like the bad guy when you are just doing you. And keep in mind that most of the time your success doesn't even have an impact on those that are judging you so forget about them. Let them do them and you do you.


So how do you go about building up your confidence? You start by knowing that you are enough as you are right now. You look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worthy of all the things you desire. That there is no one else like you and you are perfect the way you are right now in this moment. That doesn't mean that you love everything about yourself and you don't want to make improvements but that you are good enough as you are and deserve to find happiness and success. You don't have to wait until you lose 10 pounds or get that promotion at work. You don't have to be in the perfect relationship or any relationship. That you know your strengths and your weaknesses and how to use them.


The biggest way to build your confidence is follow through. Are you following through with what you say you will do? Can people count on you to do what you say you will? More importantly, do you do what you say you will do for yourself? When you get up in the morning and have a to-do list how much of that gets done? Is it most of it or not even close? Okay, let's back up a second. The first thing you have to do is stop putting so many demands on yourself. If you are constantly writing down 20 things to get done everyday you will like fall short everyday. So start with making a priority list of the three top things that absolutely have to be done this day. Then anything else is considered a bonus. We have to stop expecting so much from ourselves. When we start to realize we will do what we say we will do then we start to trust ourselves. And when that happens our confidence goes up. It's about keeping the promises we make to ourselves.


Another great idea is to write out an accomplishment list. Depending on how old you are this should be a fairly long list. Because often we are living a dream we had many years ago and never but then we start to take our dream life for granted. We always want more and that is fine, it's human nature, but that is why it's good to remind ourselves of how far we have come. So write out that accomplishment list and relish in the fact that you have already done so much that shows who you are, what you have done and what you are capable of.


And hey, tell yourself some nice things about yourself in the mirror everyday. We are often so critical of ourselves when we are looking in the mirror. The lines, wrinkles, dark spots, the list goes on and on. But what if we looked at ourselves and listed all the things we have done that we are proud of. It's seems crazy, I know. But try it. I bet you will feel great and it is a definite confidence booster. And that is the first step to becoming the biggest badass you can be!


If you like this episode please let me know. If there is something that particularly resonated with you I would love to hear about it. And share it with your friends. I would really appreciate it.


Now go out there and make badassery happen. I'm right here cheering you on.

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