• The Hopefulist

Confidence!


I love this photo of myself and believe me, I don't say that often. I was trying to look badass because yanno, that's what my shirt says. Not only did that come across but I actually look thinner than I actually am. When does that ever happen?! But I know there are some people who will look at this picture and roll their eyes or think I'm being arrogant. And that's okay. They can think that. I was feeling my badassery in this moment and I'm not afraid to show it. But that leads me to one of the biggest problems us women have. Being confident without appearing boastful or arrogant. Yep, it's a tough one.


Studies have shown that women don't have the same confidence level as men. That is part of the reason why women are still so far behind when it comes to holding executive level jobs and why we still make so much less money. Did you know that women typically don't apply for a job if they don't meet 100% of the qualifications listed? I've done it myself many times. Just moved on because I lacked one or two skills. Men typically apply for a position when they have 60% of the skills required. This is one area we need to learn from their example.


I was on a job interview not that long ago that asked me how I would handle a bunch of situations. One of them I had no idea so I told them I didn't really know but I'm sure the training I would receive would help me figure that out. I got a second interview. That told me that it's okay to not know all the answers. It's okay to not know how to do everything. Honesty is usually the best policy but sometimes you can fake it until you make it. Because let's be honest, the best way to learn is by doing. If you aren't a heart surgeon you can usually fly by the seat of your pants in most instances.


Women are held to different standards. This I know to be true. I have worked in a field dominated by men my whole career. I always made less money. I have watched men get away with breaking rule after rule and get away with it while if I were to do one thing management didn't like I was told about it. I have negotiated for starting salaries and been passed over without ever receiving a counter offer. Studies have shown that companies expect men to counter offer a starting salary but for some reason women who do the same are seen as selfish. I have experienced this firsthand. It's not fair but it is what it is.


So, what do we do? We do what we feel is right for us without apology. If you think you are worth more than the salary being offered fight for it. If it doesn't work out then they wouldn't likely wouldn't have appreciated your worth in the long run. Be yourself and stick to your values. Let these people know from the beginning that you are no-nonsense about what is important to you and you don't deal with B.S. This will eliminate you from a number of jobs. But this is a place you are going to go everyday for the bulk of your day. Don't set yourself up in a scenario that will make yourself miserable. Fight for your worth and you will get respect when the right position is available. If not, start something on your own. That is what I did.


The other issue is how your confidence comes across. This is something you shouldn't worry too much about. Like I stated above, there are people who will think certain things about you because you have the audacity to be confident in who you are. One thing I have learned along the way is that people who do this are usually threatened by your self assurance because they lack it in themselves.


I have changed the way I communicate with the world and myself. Most of my life I have belittled my own success as to not come across as boastful or arrogant. I would often talk of how lucky I have been to have the jobs I've had or where I get to live or the amazing husband I have. The truth is I worked for all those things. Even my husband. I never settled and got over my pattern of dating assholes who treated me bad. My husband was the opposite of my type. He was a nice guy. And once I realized I was worth a nice guy my dating life became different. I was lucky that he picked me but I picked him too.


I have stopped saying that I am lucky to live on the water at the Jersey Shore. Because that isn't even close to the truth. I have been working toward this dream for many years. My husband and I have made and continue to make many sacrifices in order to live here. But it was our goal and it's been worth everything we've had to go through to live here. And we love it. So when people talk about my view or the area I live I no longer say I am lucky. I saw, we try to never take it for granted. Because that is the truth. You can always find a way to say something that is true but doesn't come across as boastful but girl I am not saying you shouldn't toot your own horn. I think you absolutely should. The people who know you know who you truly are and when you want to brag on yourself, do it. It's good for the soul. Pat yourself on the back and don't worry about what others think. Men do it all the time and it is perfectly acceptable and even expected. Find that fine line though.


But what if you don't feel confident? How do you get you some of that? There is a lot that goes into confidence and there are many aspects to it. That is our focus for the rest of the week. So get ready to blow yourself away. You super confident badass. I'm coming for you.


It's Monday already! A brand new week full of possibilities and opportunities. Get ready to get you some. And of course, be your badass self. I'm always here, cheering you on.



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