• The Hopefulist

Dealing with judgement. Hint: Don't!


Do you ever feel like everywhere you look you are being judged? Even from the dog??? I actually just needed an excuse to post this cute picture of my dog but doesn't it look like she is judging me? Like, "C'mon mom...really?" in all seriousness though we all typically face judgement on a regular basis and it's not usually good. I would guess that nobody likes to be judged...especially harshly and often from people we don't even know.


As a continuation of what I was talking about on Friday and how you can stop the bleeding yourself...the judgement of others doesn't have to matter in your life. If you heard the show on Friday I was talking about a situation where I was treated rudely by a local establishment and I talked about it on community group Facebook page. Much to my dismay, I ended up being bashed and made to seem like I was the one in the wrong and even told I probably deserved the unfair, rude treatment. As I was still smarting from this situation I decided to watch a documentary that has been getting a lot of discussion lately called American Murder: The family next door. If you aren't familiar with it it is the story of Chris Watts and how he killed his wife Shanann and his two little girls. It took place a few years ago in Colorado and you may remember the story.


I watched this documentary and was horrified, disgusted, disappointed and dismayed. Not only did this man kill his wife and children but then he tried to blame the murder of his kids on his dead wife. What really made me angry is when the police had him in custody questioning him, they were so gentle with him. They finally got him to confess and the one officer walked out the room and gave his shoulder a rub as a form of comfort. I didn't feel he deserved any sort of kindness. Shanann didn't get the benefit of any kindness as her husband drained the life out of her in her own bed. Or there wasn't any kindness when he put a blanket over his little girls head as he tossed them into an oil tank.


But what really, really got to me in this documentary is that apparently Shanann started to get bashed in Facebook groups discussing the case. There were remarks like...she was a real bitch. She is the one that drove him to do it. I'm sorry, what????? How on earth could any sensible or rational person justify what happened in way, shape or form? It got so bad, Shanann's family publicly asked for privacy and compassion for them as they felt they were being bullied. Can you imagine losing your daughter and two grandchildren to murder and then having to defend them in the aftermath of their deaths? WTF is wrong with people?


I thought back to the story I told you guys on Friday about how I was bashed for complaining about being treated rudely and how they group turned on me for reasons unknown. And I thought to myself, how insignificant this situation is compared to that. How trivial my anger seemed in comparison to that. I'm not sure how on earth people can not only justify what happened to Shanann and her two beautiful girls but have the audacity to suggest she had it coming. That it was her fault somehow. It's truly mind blowing.


What is it this all showed me? What lesson did I learn? That people will judge. People (usually those who don't even know) will be harsh, make assumptions and tell you it is your fault regardless of the situation. Listen, I realize nobody likes complainers but I also think people resent those who have the nerve to stick up for themselves and lash out as a result. I learned that people think they have a say in things that are none of their business. I learned we need to shut these people off and not allow them into our lives.


But we have to be the one to do it. We can only take their power away by not paying any attention to them. I told you that turning off the notifications on the post bashing me was a big step and it was. I have had this idea my whole life that I have to fight for what I think I deserve and how I want to be treated. As much as I believe that is true, it does not extend to strangers on the internet. It's the part of social media that makes us less than human. Can you imagine any of those people bashing Shanann to her parents face? Do you think anyone would try to justify such actions at all in front of the people who were affected most by the heinous crime?


We need to turn off our devices once in awhile. We need to step back and step away from the insanity. We have to remember that we are all real people with real feelings. I live in a great neighborhood. We are a tight knit group who stick together and go out of our way to help people when needed. But the Facebook group page has gotten so out of control with political posts and the bashing of each other. I've seen people call each other such horrific names. And I wonder when someone goes by my house by boat and waves at me, are you the one who called that woman such a horrible name? It's making me not want to engage with my neighbors because I see so much ugliness from them. Yet, I'm positive any one of them would offer any help they could if it were truly needed for a family here. This is why most groups have a no politics policy. It is literally tearing me apart from my own neighbors. I wish our group had that policy.


Fact, people will judge. Fact, they are often wrong and don't care that they are. Fact, there is nothing you can do about it except not listen to it. Don't put yourself in a position to be judged on social media but it's not only there that it happens. Realize that at the end of life it doesn't matter if a bunch of strangers treated you harshly. What matters is how you lived your life according to your own standards. How you feel about yourself. People will disrespect you and treat you unfairly and the faster you can come to terms with that and move on in your life in a peaceful manner, the faster you win at life. Stop explaining yourself to people who don't matter. It's literally not worth it.


It's Monday y'all! A brand new week full of possibilities and opportunities. Now go make them happen. And be a badass about it. You know I'm cheering you on.

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