• The Hopefulist

Forgiving former Friends

I always so I was not prepared for how many friends I would lose in this life. And it continues to happen which makes me very sad. I always try to reach out and rectify situations. If someone seems distant, I will ask why. If my relationship doesn’t seem the same as it used to be with someone I will reach out and ask if there is a problem. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes it comes to bite me in the butt!

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m a bad friend and I just don’t realize it yet. But I’m pretty introspective and always try to figure out what I have done to contribute to a situation. Sometimes I have done something awful and deserve the loss of a friend. But, I don’t always come up with an answer. I’m not sure if those times I am in denial about something or if there was truly nothing I did to cause the end of a friendship. But regardless of what I come up with, it truly breaks my heart every time I lost someone close to me.

I’ve had situations when people that I spend most of my time with for years on end have dwindled away. I have had people treat me unfairly that cut me out of their life for reasons unknown to me. I have had people put distance between us very suddenly and then when asked if there is a problem, I get answers such as, I’ve just been busy. (Ah, I see you on Facebook not being too busy with our other friends.) I’ve even been attacked for well-meaning inquiries as to whether there is a problem between us. This is the one I will focus on for today and why it’s so tough for me to move past.

I had a friend close to where I live that I spent a lot of time with one on one as well as with a group. She is the one who had a big hand in getting me into this particular group and I loved spending time with all of them. Suddenly, it seemed like this one woman was putting a lot of distance between us. I didn’t hear from her at all. She went from liking just about every post I put on Facebook to never liking a single post. I sensed there was a problem, so I reached out. My inquiry via message was ignored. I figured since my message was completely ignored along with the other indicators that there was some sort of problem. I waited awhile to hear back and about a month later I inquired again if there was some sort of problem and I would hate to lose our friendship. I did receive a response a few days later telling me that I was a nice person but I was too needy and she was busy with taking care of an ailing family member to be friends with someone as needy as me. I responded that I was sorry for what she was going through and that if she felt two mails in a one-month span was too needy than I apologize. She did not appreciate that response and totally went off on me. I won’t get into anymore of the details but she managed to twist any and all of my well-meaning questions into wickedness. I’m still not sure how she managed but even I thought I was a bitch after reading her response until I realized I hadn’t said or insinuated any of the things she accused me of. I still believe she had some underlying issue with me before all of this started or it would have never gotten to this level.

So, obviously we are not friends and anymore and that is fine because I don’t need someone who can twist well intentions into evilness in my life. The problem that remains now for me is she is managing to get me excluded from the group activities now. Which really hurts my feelings. Joe and I did not get invited to an annual Christmas party we have attended the last few years. I also saw that a group of my friends went out for one of their birthdays and I never got an invite but my former friend was with the group. So, know I realize why I wasn’t invited. The thing that bothers me the most is I know for a fact that I did nothing wrong in this situation and I have put a lot of thought into it. But now I am the one who is being excluded. I don’t think these people want to stop being friends with me but if it comes down to choosing one or the other in a group setting, I see who has been picked…and it’s not me. As I said, if I felt like I had done something to deserve the harsh treatment I received from this person I may understand but she went off on me for no legitimate reason that I can come up with and now I’ve been booted from the group.

At the same time, we are tight on cash and I have had to turn down most of our invites out lately so maybe that is why they figure it’s not a big deal to not extend an invite. I don’t know. It’s just one of those things that I feel that I have been treated extremely unfairly and I’m still being punished. But the point is (finally) I have to let it go. I have to forgive her for treating me in such a way. I can’t let her have the power over me to dominate the thoughts and feelings I have toward the rest of the friends I have in this group. I’m not going to let the situation dictate the rest of my life.

Lucky for me I have a lot of friends. I really have worked hard to make new friends in my neighborhood the past few years and we really do have a fabulous bunch of ladies that I love spending time with. I can devote more of my time to these ladies. I’m grateful that I have other friends to focus on and spend time with. Because as much as we like to think it comes easily, keeping up friendships takes some work. You have to make time for them to be in your life and that can sometimes be hard. But if you want people to remain in your life you need to nurture the relationship…any relationship.

Now I need to look forward instead of back. Now I need to be grateful for what I have left instead of focusing on what I’ve lost. Is this easy? Of course not, not even close. But I won’t give this person any power over my life anymore. So, I forgive you for all that has happened. I hope you find yourself in a happier place soon. I’m truly sorry I won’t be part of your life anymore but that is what you decided is best for your life and I respect that.

Have you been wronged by someone who you thought loved you? The only thing I can tell you is…it happens. If you’ve tried to rectify the situation without a satisfactory outcome, then realize you did your best and move on. After dissecting the situation you know that there is nothing else you can do to revive a certain friendship, then move on. Because you should never beg someone to be your friend.

It’s Taco Tuesday already! Grab a taco and start working on letting go of your anger and resentment. Do it for you…not for anyone else. You are the one that matters. And I know you are worth it. Now, go make today, your best day yet!

A discussion of today’s blog post is on my daily podcast posted every weekday by 7 am. Find it at Hopefulist.com or through Apple, Spotify, TuneIn or YouTube. Just search for “The Hopefulist”!

Please check out my website. It’s your one stop spot for everything “The Hopefulist”. Hopefulist.com.

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