• The Hopefulist

Forgiving those who have wronged you

There are times in our live when something so horrible happens and it totally sucks. Things that seem unfair and make you wonder if there really is any justice in this world. The truth of the matter is, sometimes there is and sometimes there isn’t. We all like to think that people who are jerks or who have treated us badly will get paid back for their dirty deeds. The fact is…sometimes they just get away with it. And we must figure out a way to be okay with that.

The first thing that will help you get past it is to realize that injustices and people being unfair to you happens. Not just to you. To everyone. One of the biggest lessons I have learned along my path is to realize I don’t have an overabundance of horrible things happen to me. I don’t have any more than the next person. It truly is the way you handle these injustices. If you are still stuck in thinking that you have worse luck than most people than do a reality check. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have heat or air conditioning? Do you have food to eat everyday? Then you already ahead than a lot of people. Don’t poo poo this fact. It’s a big deal. Look at the homeless. Look at those with addictions problems. Look at those who have truly lost everything in a moment due to some sort of accident or act of God. Realize that things could probably be worse and appreciate the fact that they aren’t.

I’ve had some pretty sucky things happen in just the past year. I found out some things about my relationship with my mother that seems pretty unfair. I also lost my job which I continue to believe, in my opinion, was for nothing I did. Why did these things happen? I’m not sure I will ever know. And even if I did, will it make a difference in how I proceed with my life? Don’t get me wrong, I think you should analyze situations and see where you could have gone wrong. Really examine the facts to see if you did, in fact, contribute to the outcome of the situation. If you find that you did, then lesson learned. Now you know better. I you still believe you didn’t do anything to deserve the circumstances you find yourself in, you have to move forward anyway. Getting stuck in the injustice and wallowing in it will only continue to hurt you. It’s time to look forward instead of back.

I know all of this is easier said than done but I’ve been doing some reading lately that has pointed out that statement is just an excuse to stay stuck. So, I want you to remove the phrase “easier said than done” from your vocabulary. There are a lot of things that are easier said than done but you have to do it anyway…for YOU. I lost my job and as much as it sucks the more I focus on the fact that I feel it was completely unfair the more I stay exactly where I am…jobless and feeling sorry for myself. You have to forgive the person that put you in this situation and move on to bigger and better things. You are not letting anyone off the hook, you are bringing peace to your life. I have come to the conclusion the reason I lost my job is to set up what I am doing now. I had been out of the radio business for a few years when I got my last job. I had pretty much figured with our relocation that it wasn’t possible for me to find a job close to home. Obviously, I was wrong. I did get a job close to home. I know think it was a lesson to show me anything is possible. But more importantly I think it was grooming me to get back into the swing of being on the air and entertaining people. To get comfortable behind a microphone again to get me ready for the work I am doing now. And like it or not, I more than likely wouldn’t be doing this work right now if I still had my job. Injustice? Yes, but maybe for a greater cause?

The same goes with your personal life. Someone close to me recently went through a divorce. He was pretty upset about it. He did everything he could to save his marriage. Including counseling, forgiving infidelity and committing to change in order to make his wife happier. It still fell apart. After he was pushed to a point he could no longer tolerate he had to draw a line in the sand. She could either commit to crossing the line to correct some of her own destructive behavior or continue living the way she had been. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t commit to change. He told her he had to be done. It broke his heart. He wanted more than anything for his marriage to work. Mostly, he was mad. He thought that he had done everything he was supposed to and here he was alone at midlife. When he realized they had some pretty big problems he committed to correcting them and trying to make her happy because he didn’t want to have to start over. He didn’t want to be alone after he had done everything he could to save his marriage. I don’t blame him. But that is the key…he did truly everything he could have to save his marriage. She was too selfish to do the same. In my opinion, he has saved the second half of his life from the drama and problems she constantly created. But he just felt defeated. He became bitter and resentful. And that’s okay. For a little while. You can take an appropriate amount of time to grieve. But there comes a point where you have to move on. If you stay stuck in your misery than this person really will have ruined your life. Don’t give someone that much power.

I’m happy to say this person finally realized that he wasn’t doing himself any good by staying stuck in his misery. He stopped wallowing and started looking ahead instead of what was lost. This is the only way to live. No matter what has happened to you, it is your job to move past it. Or you will be miserable. Don’t keep hurting yourself. Most importantly, don’t let the person that wronged you have one more minute of impact of how you live your life. Let it go. Forgive. You don’t have to tell them you forgive them. In fact, you can keep them out of your life completely but forgive them to take your power back. Not because what they did was okay, but so you can go on to live the fullest, happiest life you can possibly have.

It’s hump day, everyone! Halfway to the weekend. Really give some thought to who you need to forgive to live your best life. What chains do you need to remove to be completely free? It can be painful to go through but there is so much happiness on the other side. Now, go kill Wednesday. And of course, make today, your best day yet!

A discussion of today’s blog post is on my daily podcast posted every weekday by 7 am. Find it at Hopefulist.com or through Apple, Spotify, TuneIn or YouTube. Just search for “The Hopefulist”!

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#hopefulist #wendymcclure #makeityourbestdayyet #writenow #inspiration #selfhelp #passion #selfcare #joy #kindness #relationships #ellentube #theellenshow #gottagetonellen

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