• The Hopefulist

Getting rid of your limiting beliefs

We tend to hold ourselves back with limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is something you tell yourself that holds you back and is usually not true. You run a dialogue in your head that you can't do certain things because of how you handled things in your past or beliefs you have had since childhood that makes you think you aren't good enough. We are going to attempt to bust through those today.

A perfect example of a limited belief comes from a book I am currently reading; "Feeling Good" by David Burns. In it, he is having a discussion with a woman who is convinced she is a bad mother. I'm going to read a conversation between the two of them from a therapy session.

*****In short, she has convinced herself she is a bad mother based on the problems her son is having. Yet, she takes no credit for the things he does well. You can't blame yourself for one without taking some credit for the other. Stop holding yourself to impossible standards. You are human too.

Oftentimes we don't start a project because have a history of not following through. That may be true but it just means that wasn't your project. When you find something that means something to you, there will be no stopping you. Maybe you've tried knitting, painting, quilting, learning to read music and taking dance lessons. Yet, nothing has stuck. You have given up on all of them. But you see an old dresser on the side of the road one day, decide to take it home and refurbish it. And you finish the project quickly. You have finally discovered your thing. The project that lights you up. The activity that brings you life and you can't wait to get another piece to remake. You may even decide to start doing this as a side hustle to bring in a little extra money. The point is, just because you didn't finish before doesn't mean you will never finish anything. You have to keep searching for your thing. I've never started a business before and it's been hard. It's not going the way I had hoped either but I'm hanging in there. I will figure it out and make it work for me. Because this is my project. This is what I am meant to do so I will keep at it until it works.

Maybe you feel unworthy and unlovable. Maybe it's because you are too hard on yourself. Even if didn't have a loving upbringing it doesn't mean you are worthy of love. First of all, everyone is worthy of love. Everyone has the right to the pursuit of happiness in this country. Outside validation will never help you if you can't find validation for yourself. We all (I think) have certain things about ourselves that we don't like or would like to change. Then make small changes until you are the type of person you want to be. But you are not all bad or all good. There is no such person. All humans have flaws, make mistakes and have realizations about how to live life moving forward. We are so much harder on ourselves than we are on others. I'm not sure why that is. How would you feel if someone you loved was as hard on themselves as you are on yourself? It would probably break your heart. Listen to this loud and clear. You are worth anything and everything you dream up. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are the one who is in control. Find a path that you love and no one will be able to stop you.

The first thing to do is to realize how damaging our own self talk is. You probably have no idea how often you do it. It's a habit that is so ingrained in you that you don't even remember how often you do it. So start paying attention. And when you find that you are bashing yourself, stop and replace those words with uplifting, loving words. When a friend tells you about something they are doing and you automatically respond with; "I could never do that". Maybe change it up to; "It would be fun to at least try that".

Happy hump day y'all! Just take notice of the negative thoughts you have running through your head all day and try to put a stop to them. Flip your script. Now, go out there and be a badass. As always, I'm cheering you on.

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