Getting through tough times - breakups
Heartache is the worst type of pain to go through. It’s all consuming. It feels like your world is ending and can seem like it will never get better. The worst part about the end of a relationship is it’s so personal. If it wasn’t your choice to end the connection, then it just leaves you with a feeling of not being good enough. I get it. I’ve been there and yes, it totally sucks. It feels like the end of the world. But it is not. Things will get better and you know this from the rational part of you. The part that thinks with your brain…you just need for your heart to catch up.
I remember going through a breakup while working at a radio station in Philadelphia. The host of the show I was working on insisted on us sharing our real lives on the air. I had called him the night of the breakup and told him I would talk about it but I needed a few days to get my emotions under control. Then I proceeded to stay up all night bawling my eyes out. Meanwhile, the show was getting a brand-new producer who had worked with some of the best in the business. My first-time meeting and working with him was the day after my breakup. So ladies, you know what you look like after a full night of crying, right? I was a mess. My eyes were so red and swollen. When I first met the new producer, he looked at me and said; “Wow, are you on drugs?” He came to find out through the morning what had happened. He gave me some words of advice. He said….you will think about this 24 hours today. But tomorrow you will only think about 23 hours and 59 minutes. And a minute less the next day. You just have to do the time.
No matter the circumstances of the split…this is the time for some serious self-care. Even if it is completely your fault and you are so sorry that your actions caused the demise of your relationship…now, you know better. We all make mistakes. Some have more serious consequences than others and if this is one of the times that the punishment is harsh…just accept it and move on. Be kind to yourself. As kind as you would be to a friend that is going through the same thing…because we are our best friends. If you aren’t your own best friend…stick with me, I’ll show you how to change that.
If it was not because of something you did then it is probably even worse. Then you are left with a feeling of why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do to make them stop loving me? It’s truly awful. Again, this is the time to be kind to yourself and indulge in some serious self-care. I do encourage you to ask yourself the questions to yourself that are nagging at you. If you can figure out where things started to go wrong that help give you some peace of mind. Remember that things sometimes don’t work out because something better is waiting for you. Now is a great thing to take stock of the type of person you are. Do you like yourself and are happy with your life aside from the current breakup? Great, then this just wasn’t the relationship that was meant for you. If you think you did some things to contribute to it and you wish to change certain aspects of yourself, then do it. Start working on it today. But be kind to yourself in the meantime.
Now is the time to indulge in things that bring you joy. I took a day trip to New York City one time not long after a breakup. I had always thought that I would do all the things I wanted to do when I got a boyfriend so I wouldn’t have to do them alone. It turns out his person was a major couch potato and never liked to do anything. So, I bought myself a ticket to a Broadway show. I drove to Hoboken, NJ and took the PATH train into the city. I had never been on a subway type train before and was scared to death I was going to get on the wrong train. As I was walking on the platform I asked a man walking by if this was the train to 33rd street. He said, yep. I said; “Are you sure?” He responded with; “I’m the one driving it so yes, I’m sure.” I guess that was definite confirmation! I even loved the train ride...going through the tunnels and all the twisting and turning. It was so New York! I took myself to a fancy, famous restaurant for lunch and then saw my show. I drove home that night blasting music that I had just bought at the famed Capitol Records store. What a great day. One that sticks out in my memory like no other. Not only was I doing something I had wanted to do for a long time but I did it all by myself. I had a great time and I felt so good breaking though my personal barriers and getting over my fear of doing things on my own. From that point on I wasn’t afraid of going anywhere by myself.
Do whatever you love most and do it as often as possible. Is there a certain candle scent that you love? Buy it and light it the minute you get home from work. Do you enjoy long, leisurely baths? Then get some fancy bath salts, bubble bath or bath bombs and indulge! Get your nails done. Get your hair done. Get some professional pictures taken where you look your absolute best. I mention this because my cousin was just visiting and she is a photographer. One morning before we headed out I did my hair and full on makeup. I asked her if she could take some pictures of me for my website. We did some inside, outside, sitting at the computer, with the dog. The pictures came out so great. I’m not even sure it’s me because the pictures look that great. But it is me…I remember getting them taken. I just put one of them up on my profile page and there are so many comments about how great I look. So, she obviously knows the right angles and lighting to make me look my best. And no, I don’t look like this everyday but it’s obviously possible. She caught something in these shots and they are me. So, I must be able to look great sometimes (at least). Do something like that. Label the shots “the new independent me”! It’s worth it. Look at the picture often to remind yourself how great you can look and how great you really are!
When a breakup happens, we just have to walk with the pain and learn the lessons intended for us before we can move on to a better place. But a better place is indeed waiting. Don’t drown in misery. It’s not worth it and most likely won’t change your circumstances anyway. Be kind to yourself and do the things you love. Because you deserve it! Love yourself and someone wonderful will want to love you to. Because you are great!
It’s Monday….a brand new week full of possibility and opportunity. Have a fantastic week. And please make today, your best day yet.
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