• The Hopefulist

How to handle hurt


All this week our focus will be coming back from setbacks in our life. There are many times we get knocked off our feet and the only way to truly live life fully is to get back up and go again. But that can be so hard. I know...I've been there many times. It takes so many forms as well. It's not just about relationships...it's also about job losses, health crisis, lost friendships and how to come back stronger than ever. But today we will concentrate on the loss of a relationship.


Maybe you were left. Or worse, maybe you were betrayed. There is nothing like the pain of heartbreak. It seems unending. It seems like life will never be the same and it likely won't. It's important to give yourself the proper time to grieve the loss of a relationship. Only you can determine how to best do that. Stay in bed for days. Cry, scream, throw things. Whatever it takes. Get those feelings out. The hardest part to move on from is the "why". You want to know why this happened to you. You want to know why some people have seemingly perfect relationships and yours had to end. You want to know what you should have done differently. Yes, it is important to evaluate what you did to contribute to the situation. Sometimes you added to the problems (as most people do to some extent). Maybe you tried to make amends but it was too late. This doesn't mean you are a bad person. It means you are a human who is flawed and makes mistakes. Even when someone does bad things it doesn't make you a bad person. You are just someone who made a mistake. We tend to get into unhealthy patterns in our relationships and it can be really hard to break out of them. If you weren't able to do it you certainly aren't alone. This is a common problem and many people are guilty of it. Now that you know better, you can do better. Even if it has to be with someone else.


Maybe you were cheated on and then left. You feel betrayed and you should. This is when the "why" question becomes so dangerous. Sometimes there is no answer. Sometimes there is one and you wouldn't really want to know it anyway. This is the hardest part of moving on. You have to get over the desire to know all the answers. After a time of grieving and reflection and you are still completely baffled as to why this happened to you, it's time to LET IT GO. Yes, I know...easier said than done. But here's the truth that you don't want to hear, life isn't fair. Just because your marriage fell apart and all of your friends are happily married doesn't mean that you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you. It means you were dealt a bad hand and you are the only one who can turn the game around. I see people all the time that I feel don't deserve the good life that they have. You know those people who didn't follow any of the rules yet they seem so happy and have all the things you wish you had in your life. Guess what? It can be unfair. Or maybe that person is secretly crying every morning in the shower because they have to put on an act every day. But here's the real deal, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who has what and who doesn't. This is the time to focus on what you want. And what you don't want. Once you come to terms with the fact it's time to move on you have to live fully into your life. What are some things that you used to do before your marriage but stopped because your spouse wasn't that into it. Get back into it. Do whatever sparks your interest now. Live life for complete enjoyment and see what happens. Say no to things you no longer want in your life. Be selfish if that is what you want to call taking care of yourself.


As you move on in life I know it's easy to hold back. You are afraid. You may not call it that but that is what it comes down to. You are afraid to try new things because you feel you are too old. You are afraid to take a chance because the last time you did it didn't work out and you were hurt. But if you are too afraid to live into your life fully you are only hurting yourself. You are letting the person who already hurt you continue to hurt you by holding yourself back. You are doing the same thing if you are playing it safe by settling for things you aren't truly happy with. Good enough is not something I want you to live your life by. I want you to wake up in the morning with excitement and can't wait to get the day started. Yes, people actually do wake up this way. I hope you are one of them someday. Don't sell yourself short by settling for anything. A good enough relationship, a good enough job, a good enough life. You are better than good enough. I want you to be great. And you can be. You know deep down when you are operating on a good enough strategy. Maybe you aren't at great yet. Keep at it. Hold out for the very best. Keep searching for that dream. Because once you find it, there will be no regrets. I promise you.


There is so much in this life that is unfair. There are so many times we get things we don't deserve and yes, it totally sucks! But holding yourself back to avoid further hurt is not the way to live. And telling yourself that you did everything right and still lost won't help you get to the great life that is waiting for you if you can get rid of these limiting beliefs. Take a chance. You are worth it.


It's Monday! A brand new week full of possibilities and opportunities. Go out there and take advantage of them all. And be your badass self. You know I'm cheering you on!

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