Let's get selfull!
Selfull - the act of taking care of one's own needs first. Yes, I just made up that word and definition. It's similar, but not exactly the same as the word selfish but that word has such a negative connotation that I felt we needed a fresh word that won't evoke such negative emotions. I've done a lot of reading this summer and I've come to conclusions about how women are expected to live our lives and how we actually should be living our lives.
What do you think of when you hear the word selfless? A person (typically a woman) who puts everyone's needs ahead of their own. As I was reading the book "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle she was talking about how people described this way are celebrated. We tend to hold these people in high regard and think they are an example to all of us. Nope...not going there. Why is it encouraged for a woman to put everyone else's needs before her own? I imagine it's great if you have someone in your life who is selfless because they are doing everything you want. Putting your needs before their own. But what about them? Why are their needs not important? Let's make selfless a bad word!
Being selfull is not the same as being selfish. It's not only about you. Part of your purpose is to help others along your own path. Helping others is part of being selfull because you are filling your own cup while helping others do the same. And when your cup is overflowing, it's fills other's as well. It's not about not ever doing what others want. It's about making sure you are doing what is best for you first so you can be your full self to be there for others in the way they need you to be.
It's not selfish to leave a job you don't love. To want to move to any area where you will be happy. Or to make your own happiness a priority. I think mothers are the most at risk at not living into themselves selfully. My sister is one of those women who threw herself into motherhood full force. She always wanted to be a mother and did everything she possibly could for her kids. She has a great relationship with her kids as a result. But about ten years ago she started running as a hobby. It was good to see her do something just for herself. Her kids may have pushed back a little bit about how much time she spent on it but she decided to be selfull and keep up her running. Now she is a freaking Ironman so she has stay committed and continued to do something she loved (something that filled her up) in the midst of protest from others in her life. It's not selfish to do things you love. It's selfull!
If you are a selfless person I order you to stop right now! Don't stop helping others but put your needs first. If you are at your happiest, most fulfilled it will make those around you that much happier. We are at out best when we are happy. We can help others so much more when we are already happy. Life is short. Don't squander it by thinking your time will come. Your time is here, right now! Take advantage of it because time is literally running out. Go on out there and live your life like the badass you are! You know I'm here...cheering you on!