• The Hopefulist

More lessons from Nature

Okay, so this isn't the greatest picture but I'm trying to show how it's leaning all to one side. I had this plant up against the wall inside my porch so it couldn't really grow out on the one side. Let me just tell you how small this flower was when I got it. It's turned into a monster! But the interesting part to me is how it grew out all on one side. The only side it had to go which was out since it was up against a wall.

What do you do when you are up against a wall? Do you panic? Do you give up? Do you move to another area where there is no wall? We can learn a lot from this plant. It's will to live and thrive under less than ideal circumstances shows us how we can do the same. It reminds me a little of those weeds that come up in between cracks in the pavement. Where there is a will there is a way.

But back to the plant. Not only did it figure out how to survive with its back against a wall but it totally thrived. What can we learn from this? That we need to adapt and change in different surroundings? Ding, ding, ding! Yes, that is correct! Good for you.

We often find ourselves in situations that we don't like. We feel like our back is against a wall. And a lot of time we just grin and bear it. Or we lash out in unhealthy ways. If it's in your job you usually just grit your teeth and keep moving, right? But in your relationships you may react in ways that isn't good for you or anyone else involved. It wears on your relationship and it wears on you. It messes with your peace of mind and adds stress to your already hectic life.

So, let's find a better way. Take a look at that plant again. It did what it needed to do without any help from anywhere. But lucky for us we are human and we can ask for what we need. If a situation at work is draining you see if you can talk to a higher up for a resolution. If that doesn't work then maybe it's time to look for a new job. I don't say this lightly. I know how important it is to have a job that brings in income that pays your bills. And maybe that is the way you can look at it to get you through. It's a means to an end. Clock in, clock out and leave work at work. But meanwhile, look for something different. Look for somewhere that won't take you and your skills for granted (or whatever the unsavory situation may be). Do NOT get stuck in an uncomfortable, stressful situation because you are afraid of the next situation being worse. Because...what if it's actually better? We tend to always jump to the worst case scenario. It's something we all need to work on. Let's start thinking it will all work out exactly the way we hope.

But I beg of you to not continue in a job that causes you stress on the daily and sends you home an unhappy camper. Life is just too short. Honestly. I lost my job over two years ago. The situation there was close to intolerable. I worked with someone who did everything they could to make my work life as difficult as possible. To the point that he lost us both our jobs. On top of it, the company didn't value me enough to address the situation and put an end to the mistreatment. Instead when they found themselves with their back against the wall they just let us both go. I still feel an astounding amount of injustice in that situation. I lost my job due to the actions of someone else and that is a hard pill to swallow.

I've been in the field of radio broadcasting for many years and it's not uncommon to lose your job for any number of reasons. But this time it felt so wrong. I kept telling management my partner worked against me constantly and made his vendetta against me a priority over the good of the show we worked on together. When it got to the point where they could no longer defend him they let us both go. And I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I actually have dreams (more like nightmares) of me going back to the place to work and they have the audacity to pair me up with the same guy again.

It was in the first week of that job loss that I decided I never wanted to be in that position again. To potentially lose my job because of someone else's actions. That is when I decided to go out on my own and start this podcast and business. I wanted to be the boss of me and not have to depend on the whims of crazy people who protect someone over and over yet leave me standing out in the cold again and again.

I can tell you this...it's been slow going. I'm very lucky in the fact that I have a husband who makes decent money and has been able to cover us for the last two years. But honestly, I need to start bringing in some cash in order to pay this monster mortgage we have on our house at the Jersey Shore. Yet, so far all I've done is spend money. But I believe in myself and this vision. I know this business will get to where I dream it can go. In the meantime, we've been creative in how we are getting our bills paid. There have been some really scary times but we've always made it through. Where there is a will there is a way. Trust me on this one. It's not always about resources. It's more about resourcefulness!

I beg you to take my advice on this. If you are in a job (or career) that you hate, makes you miserable and drains the life out of you....get out! Look for something else while you make your escape plan but for goodness sake, your health and livelihood is more important than any job. Just some food for thought.

When it comes to relationships that drain and make you feel like your back is against the wall....break out. Communication is key here. If these are close relationships than you need to have a discussion about what is wrong and how it can be attempted to be fixed.

I just read on one of many group pages on Facebook a woman who was sharing that her husband asked for a separation and she was devastated. One woman suggested that maybe her husband wasn't happy because he wasn't feeling important in the relationship anymore. And man, did that woman get bashed for saying that. But it turns out that is exactly what the woman was open to hearing. She talked to her husband and that was part of the problem for him. I know that we are all in charge of our own happiness but there does come a time in many marriages when things become stale. You don't tell each other how you feel as much anymore. You stop talking on a regular basis. I'm actually a little worried myself because my husband and I often get up in the morning and don't even talk to each other. We each get on our phone and start doing what we do. It's not good. There has to be more connection.

The woman came back to the group and told everyone that was exactly what she needed to hear and worked with her husband to get his needs met. As I assume they discussed some of her needs as well. Because that is what a partnership is about....getting your needs met. And sharing your life with that person. If you aren't happy and you are in a position to discuss ways to change that then that is what you should do. Or at least try.

If it's a different type of relationship it can be even more sticky. I had a very tough go with my mother. We were a lot alike and butted heads often. But as she grew older she grew even more unhappy. She somehow got it in her mind that her spouse and children were the people who needed to step up to make her happy. She wanted all of us to do whatever she wanted to attain that happiness. As most of us know it doesn't work that way. Even if I would have done everything she wanted (which I didn't) she still wouldn't have been truly happy. Maybe in the moment but true happiness only comes from within. That doesn't mean you can't ask what you feel you need from the people in your life because they enhance your life. Thinking about the last discussion about the spouse that seems more of a lifestyle issue. You can be happy with yourself but not necessarily what is going on in your day to day life. Do you see the difference? Are you getting what I'm throwing down? I hope so.

But when it came to my mom she became vey self-centered as she aged. And very bitter. I would go as far to say that she was a narcissist. In my relationship with her I felt like I was never good enough. She was never happy with what I had to offer. She always wanted more from me. And when I didn't give her what she wanted I felt the disappointment immensely. I have some guilt that I didn't do more. I also know that I gave her a hard time about certain things. I'm sure it was a lot of unresolved anger at the way I had been treated by her my whole life.

There came a time when I was older when she asked if I would go to her therapist with her so we could work on our relationship. I declined. And this is the reason why. When I was a child she took me and my siblings to a group therapist and she told us all to be completely honest when we were there about how we felt. So I mentioned that she sometimes yelled at us for scraping the side of the cereal bowl. She made a joke of it by saying how loud we did it and everybody laughed. Even the therapist kind of brushed it off. I felt foolish and a little betrayed that I was told to be honest and when I was it was laughed off.

You would think that being older I wouldn't allow that to happen but I'm afraid that wasn't the case. My mom had this way of making passive aggressive remarks that I often wasn't able to understand what she was saying until later. I just didn't want to put myself in that situation again. I feel bad about it now that she is gone. But there was a lot wrong in our relationship and neither of us were innocent in how our relationship turned out. My mother left this world with very hard feelings toward me and had I known that I may have had the courage to cut ties years ago as I considered many times. I never did because you just crave that relationship with your parent. But I'm working hard to forgive her. Because I really want to. I want to remember the good times. But as of right now remembering good times with her seems like a betrayal to myself since she treated me so harshly at the end. But I'm working on it. And I think I'm going to get there soon. Send me some positive vibes.

But if you are in a situation like this tell the other person what you need from them. Or what you don't want from them. Have a real heart to heart and see what you can come up with. It's always best to try but if it doesn't work out the way you hope than you may want to consider alternative solutions. If you can't grow in one direction because your back is against the wall then see which way you can move. But don't let someone stop you from growing. It's the most important factor in living a happy, fulfilling life.

If you like this episode be a pal and leave me a review. Or share a screenshot with your friends. That would be so great of you. And also, if you feel you could benefit from some personal positivity coaching...I'm your gal. Schedule a free call to see what I can do to help you live life better.

Hope you have a fantastic week. Go out there and be BADASS! You know I'm right here cheering you on.

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