• The Hopefulist

Speak your mind!

Have you noticed that we seem to care about others comfort more than our own? It's really true. We tiptoe around certain people being very aware of what upsets them. And yet when someone is doing something that upsets us we rarely speak up because we don't want to be 'that' person. You know the one who complains about everything. Meanwhile, we are doing what we can to make sure everyone else is comfortable except for ourselves. Now doesn't that sound silly?

Yet we do it all the time. It goes from the ridiculously simple to things that impact our daily lives. If you have a pet you know how often you sit in an uncomfortable position because the pet (or kid) is on top of you and you don't want to disturb them. I do it too. Because we love them and want them to be calm and happy. But then there are other times that I need to spread out on my couch and she needs to move it.

Then there are other times that it seems hard to speak up just to avoid any type of annoyance. For example, when I was playing pickleball recently the girl on the opposite team kept throwing the ball back to me at my feet. Finally I asked if she would mind tossing the ball to me so I can catch it in the air because bending over constantly hurts my back. I just wanted to avoid as much back trouble as possible because yes, there is a lot of bending over in pickleball. But she did she annoyed but she started tossing it to me instead with a comment or two. There was another time when someone kept serving to me before I was ready and in position so I asked them to make sure I was ready before they served. This has actually been an issue a couple of times which seems so strange to me that it would have to actually be pointed out. And then I have been met with snarky remarks about if I'm actually ready. These reactions are the reason we don't speak up but honestly does asking these for these small things make you a bad person? Is it that much trouble for the people you are with to switch up if it is going to help you?

We worry so much about what other people think of us we are willing to be uncomfortable to the point of pain sometimes and we often go far out of our way to avoid inconveniencing others. I've been wanting to ask my neighbors if I can use their large washer for a comforter I need to be cleaned. I just hesitate to ask for some reason. I'm positive they won't mind at all but I have considered going to the laundromat in order to avoid asking them. I know I wouldn't mind doing that for my neighbor is they asked so why do I think it's such a big deal to ask them? Is it just me that goes through this? Am I alone in the crazy???

There are other times that I'm afraid to speak up when getting my nails done. I've gotten to the point that I'm afraid to ask for what I want because I've gotten so much resistance. I used to ask for them to skip cutting my cuticles because that is typically how you can pick up some sort of fungus. For some reason the people that do my nails do not like skipping this step. When I ask them not to do it I get told "just a little" or "they really need it". Honestly, I've had so many issues with this I have literally stopped asking. I don't understand why they hate skipping a step. But it's silly for me to be afraid to ask them. They are my toes and fingers and I'm paying for the service. Aren't I entitled to have it done the way I want without back talk??

We need to stop tiptoeing through life and start asking for what we want. If you want to request something and are afraid just ask yourself if it seems unreasonable. Because most of the time it isn't. Then you can move forward knowing you are entitled to ask for this request and if someone has an issue with it then that's on them. We can't worry about how other people are going to react to thinks we need to do for our own well-being. They care about themselves first and so should you.

If you liked today's episode please leave a review and share it with your friends. I will be most grateful. I'll even write it down in my gratitude journal.

Now, go be badass this week. You know I'm always here, cheering you on!

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