• The Hopefulist

Stop the bleeding!

We've been talking about getting through hard times or trauma this week and I wanted to tell you a story about a situation that happened to me last week. I called a local restaurant to order some soup for a gathering I was going to. When ordering they wanted me to pay over the via phone via credit card. As I was giving my number I realized I was on speaker phone and I said; "Do you mind taking me off speaker phone?" The woman took me off speaker phone and then said curtly; "I'm the only one in the room." I responded that there I wouldn't know that. This seemed to annoy her. I used my debit card to make the purchase (which I hate to do since it links to my actual bank account and can be drained before I even realize it). I saw the charge for the soup right away because I am constantly checking my account. By the end of the weekend the charge had increased another $17. This typically happens when a tip is added at a restaurant. I called the restaurant and got a hold of a very nice woman who apologized and said someone else would have to call me back to take care of my refund.

I got a call a few hours later and it was the woman who had taken my order. She said she needed my card number again to make the refund (which I understand but was still hesitant since they put already put an unauthorized charge on it). I asked her if she knew why I would have been charged an additional $17 dollars and she again, very curtly said; "I don't know ma'am but I'm trying to refund you so can you give me your card number please." At this point I hesitated because I was confused as to why she was being rude to me when they were the ones who put an unauthorized charge on my card. Since I hesitated she said; "is there a problem ma'am?" And I said, "yes, I just want to know why there was an additional charge put on my card." She said again, "I don't know but I'm trying to refund you." So I gave her my card number and she refunded the difference.

I got off that call feeling very disrespected. I patronized a local business, had my card abused and was then made to feel like I was out of line for asking why I was overcharged. There is something about being treated rudely and unfairly that really incenses me. So, in all honesty I wanted to expose this restaurant for their abuse of my card and how rude they were to me. I wrote the situation out on my community facebook page. Because I figured if they were that rude to me after asking a question I had every right to ask they would do it to anyone. Guess what? Somehow I became the bad guy in that post. I saw people responding that maybe I was rude when I called to ask about it. And how ridiculous it was for me to expect them to launch an investigation into a $17 overcharge (I never expected that but I did expect some sort of answer especially since she was the one who took my order). And why did I feel the need to bash a local establishment in these tough times? It was beyond me that somehow it was made to me my fault that someone abused my card and then questions of the type of person "I" was came into it. I'm still baffled by it.

You know what I did? I turned off notifications for the post. I made sure I didn't see anymore comments since they were just upsetting me. This was a big thing for me. I usually would continue to go back and forth with people defending myself. I usually would hold out for someone to take my side. But suddenly I realized, it didn't matter. I didn't have to explain myself to any of these people. I know what happened and I know I was treated badly for absolutely no reason other than the fact they got caught abusing my card. So I stopped reading the comments. I stopped the bleeding. I stopped looking at things that were only going to upset me more.

A lot of us tend to do things like this. We ruminate on things that happened to us. We get stuck in our suffering. We go over things over and over in our mind or we read exchanges with people who are no longer in our lives trying to figure out why. This just continues to hurt us over and over again. I remember when going through a break up with a boyfriend going into those groups about break ups. I would read and read about how devastated these people were. I would chime in with my own story and then even start relationships with these people. It wasn't good for me. Reading about all those break up stories just kept me bogged down in my own break up. In my own sadness. And any relationships I made within this group was based on our shared trauma. It wasn't good for me. It was keeping me in a place I no longer wanted to be in.

But we tend to do things like this so often. We go over a fight with a friend over and over again in our mind. An argument with our significant other or kids. A situation at work where you were treated unfairly. We get bogged down in it and can't think of anything else. We feel the need to prove that we are right. Stop the bleeding! Get out of that cycle. It doesn't matter (in most cases) that you prove you are right. That is your ego talking...not the part you that wants peace in your life. Try to let it go. I know it sucks. I know it's unfair what happened to you but talking about it over and over again is NOT going to change it.

I always encourage people to analyze what they did to contribute to a situation. After that is done and you still feel an injustice....you have to move on from it. You may be able to take measures to avoid a similar situation in the future or you may not. But getting bogged down in the unfairness of a situation will never help you understand nor move forward. Do what is best for you. Stop the bleeding. Stop the madness. Stop hurting yourself. Move on to a happier, healthier, more peaceful place.

It's Friday!!! Will you be able to grab an adult beverage later? I sure hope so. Have a fantastic weekend and be safe in whatever you do! And as always, be your ole badass self. I'm right here...cheering you on.

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