• The Hopefulist

Stop the Shame!


Read that quote again. Seriously. My guess is that you, like me, are extremely hard on yourself. We women tend to bash ourselves for every little thing. Our weight, our appearance, the way we raise children, the type of spouse we are, how we perform at work, the list goes on and on.


Did you ever notice that few men do the same thing? Most men are very accepting of themselves. Even when they put on weight, lose their hair and screw up at work. They are just more comfortable in their own skin and life than us women. We really should take a page from their book when it comes to how we treat ourselves.


Of course you all should know the number one rule of 'The Hopefulist'...anyone, anyone? Never call yourself bad names. I mean never, ever...even in jest. These words seep into our subconscious and really affect the way we feel about ourselves. You probably do it and don't even realize it so the first thing you need to do is start being aware of when you call yourself a name. And when it happens gently remind yourself that you don't want to do that anymore. It's that simple. Once you start paying attention you will likely find you call yourself names much more often than you realize.


We also need to stop holding ourselves to such impossible standards. We have jobs and spouses and children and a house to take care of and we get frustrated with ourselves when we can't keep up with it all. Doesn't that sound insane when you think about everything you need to do on a daily and weekly basis? Men (and this is changing now) mainly worry about their work, bringing home their part of the salary and then they are done. They may have to take out the trash or mow the lawn but nothing like women usually need to take care of. Like I said, many men are taking on more duties at home and with the kids and that should help ease some things up. But some women have help from their spouse and others don't. If you don't expect your spouse to be able to keep up with what your schedule than stop being frustrated with yourself for not keeping up.


Let's talk about when we try to lose weight. Again, we set these impossible standards that are nearly impossible to keep up with and when we inevitably fall off track one or two times we are so harsh with ourselves. We get filled with shame and start bashing ourselves worse than we would ever talk to anyone else. I know because I've done it most of my life. And as far as I have come in my own personal development journey I still have a horrible habit of shaming myself when I don't eat the way I hope to. It's the same with working out. If I start skipping workouts them I think terrible things about myself. My self talk is horrific.


But if I've learned anything in my journey it's that love, not shame, is what will set you up for success. I'm still working getting my health goals right. But I'm a work in progress just like all of us are. When I do something I'm not proud of I try to remind myself of the good things I have done up until that point. That three days of healthy eating doesn't get dismissed because you had ice cream and chips one night after dinner. That I've been making baby steps to get better in this area my whole life and it will take more baby steps to keep me on the path I want to be on.


We need to treat ourselves with kindness. Looking at yourself in the mirror and being disgusted will never get you the life you want. Treating yourself with grace and learning what works for you and what doesn't will get you the life you want. We all need to stop with the shame and guilt over the mistakes or missteps we make. If we mess up at work we tend to obsess over it and think the worst possible scenario. But it doesn't have to be that way. If you lose your job over one mistake you probably shouldn't be working there to begin with.


Start cutting yourself some slack for goodness sake. And start embracing yourself for who you are. Find things you love about yourself everyday and keep looking for more. The kinder we are to ourselves the happier we will be. And the more productive we will be. And the better mother we will be. And the better spouse we will be.


Read that quote again...stop being so hard on yourself. It will never get you the results you are hoping to achieve. Be the woman you want your daughter to be. In fact, think about your own mother when you are being so harsh with yourself and think about how much that probably upsets her. How much will it upset you to think your daughter will be the same way. Break the cycle now. Because once you do you will realize it was never any way to live. And you don't have to.


We all do a ton of things everyday we can be proud of. Just focus on those things. But remind yourself of all that you do. We tend to get into routines and forget that at one time it was really hard to make yourself do what you comes automatically to you now.


You know what would be great? If instead of berating yourself for the things you didn't get done or completing things the way you had hoped to actually praise yourself for doing all that you did right. And even if it wasn't perfect, it got done. How about that for a change????


Love yourself. You are the only person who will be with you from cradle to grave. Start treating yourself like a best friend....because that is what you are.


If you liked today's episode please leave a review and tell your friends! That would be so awesome of you and you can praise yourself for doing something so amazing!


Now, go out there and be badass this week. You know I'm here, cheering you on.

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