• The Hopefulist

Stop Trashing yourself!

Your words hold such power in them. Whether you are saying to them to someone else or to yourself. We all know that words can make you feel like crap. We all have had a time when someone has said something really hurtful and it crushed us. We took it to heart. We believed it and it may have even shaped your path in the future. Sometimes we need to hear things we don't want to hear but in a non-critical way. In a way that will be helpful and put us on a better path; not a worse one. Be careful who's words you choose to believe. Not everyone has your best interest in mind.

What I really want to focus on though is how you talk to yourself. Often we talk so harshly to ourselves we don't even realize it. And if we do, we don't realize the damage we are doing. I am a big proponent of never calling yourself bad names. But I still struggle with this from time to time. When there is a time I do something not so smart (yes, it happens...so hard to believe!) I have a habit of saying to myself or out loud; "what an idiot". Then I realize what I just did. I'm not an idiot. I had a human moment that everyone has. We all do some things we aren't proud of from time to time. And you may think that an offhand comment calling yourself an idiot is no big deal but I'm here to tell you it is a big deal. I order you to stop immediately. These words get ingrained in our subconscious and we start to believe it. We start to operate from a position that our brain things we are; an idiot. It seems like a small thing but I'm telling you it can have huge consequences so do me a favor and don't call yourself bad names....ever!

Let's dissect the negative self talk we do with ourselves. What purpose does it serve? Does it help you at all in your journey in life? If you are trying to eat healthy and give in to a brownie, is berating yourself going to help? We may even be tempted to say, yes...it will help me stay on track in the future. But will it? Calling yourself weak, a loser, someone who can't follow through or even worse names will not help you stay on track in the future. In fact, I believe it will make you feel even worse and cause you do even more harm. If you already turn to food when you are feeling bad then how is making yourself feel bad going to help with that problem? We all have bad days. We all fall off the wagon from time to time. Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself that you had a moment but you're getting back on that health horse and prove you can do it. Hold yourself accountable but not by berating yourself. It won't help. Trust me...I've done it my whole life. It is never what helped me lose weight.

It's not just about how we talk about ourselves. It's about the words we use in general. I just heard a story from Tony Robbins about the words we use in our everyday language. He was talking about early in his career when he had two business partners and they were in the middle of a negotiation with a company when the company took some information they gave them and then used it to negotiate higher costs. All three of them were mad. Tony said he was pretty pissed off. He said his one partner was freaking out and saying how irate he was. The other partner seemed calm and collected about the whole thing. Tony asked him if he wasn't mad too. The partner said; "oh yeah, I'm peeved." Tony said; "peeved? That's it? You're only peeved?" The partner told him that if he freaks out, the other company wins. He had learned to use the words he used every day to keep his emotions in check. He went on that when he uses words like irate, he feels irate and acts that way. But if he's only peeved, it's not that big of a deal. You deal with the situation and move on. Either reaction will likely get the same result but one will have a lot less stress involved. Be careful of the words you use. You are fueling yourself in either good ways or bad ways.

When it comes to others and how they speak to us we only have so much control. But if you have someone in your life who consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, you should remove them from your life. I don't care who it is. We should never tolerate people who call us names or make us feel bad about the way we live our lives, especially in a passive aggressive way. Those are the ones you have to watch out for. They do it in such a subtle way that it usually takes a little while to realize they actually insulted you. Don't tolerate it from anyone.

Also, don't give too much stock in to what the peanut gallery says. You know, those people who are acquaintances, people that we only see from time to time, or co-workers that you are forced to deal with. Who cares what they think about us? Really? Not only that, but they may something hurtful to you but then they move on with their lives and never think about that comment again. Yet, you will torture yourself with wondering if they are right. Should you do things differently? Are you not the person you thought you were? All because someone you barely know or may not even like made an off hand comment about you and your life when they know nothing about it. I had a conversation with my stepdad not that long ago who was really upset with a guy that said he talked too much. This was a guy he barely knew and hasn't seen since said comment was made. But he really got stuck on this and thought everyone would think this about him based on this one comment. I asked him how long ago this incident happened. He told me about five years ago. I yelled....5 years ago? You are still thinking about a comment a person who doesn't really know you at all made five years ago? I asked him this; "How often do you think that guy has thought about that comment he made to you?" He probably never thought about it again. My poor stepdad has been torturing himself for five years over a comment a non-entity in his life made about him. Think about how crazy that sounds when you put it that way? Just stop giving these people a voice in your life.

It's taco Tuesday! Grab yourself a healthy taco and tell yourself it's fuel for your body! Savor it and tell yourself how good it is for you. Use your words to progress you forward! And if you get a fattening one instead, okay....you'll stop there and get back on track. Give some thought to how you speak to yourself and the words you use that fuel your emotions. What can you eliminate or change to make yourself better instead of worse? Now, go make today...your best day yet!

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