Toxic Behaviors - Self-sabotage
Sometimes the hardest thing we face in life is being honest with ourselves. There is so much that goes on subconsciously that we don't even realize what we are doing or why. This is the power of the mind and the lengths it goes to in order to protect you from perceived fears.
I made this discovery for myself recently and I'm shocked at how clueless I was at what was really going on. If you heard Friday's podcast, you know that I have been putting off working on my speech and I finally figured out what was going on. It's a form of self-sabotage. I say this is what I want to do. I want to be a public speaking and help inspire and motivate people. But it's still scary as all hell. I've had some public speaking in my past but not on this level and I was never comfortable doing it. In fact, it used to scare the bejesus out of me. That fear is what took over my whole life. My schedule and what I do on a daily basis.
I knew something was going on. I couldn't seem to get myself going when it came to anything other than doing my blog and podcast. For the rest of the day I just read books or hung outside and met up with friends. I told myself that I was taking advantage of summer and the warm weather. I didn't really dig much deeper than that until it was getting to the point that if I didn't start preparing for my speech it was definitely going to suck ( and it still might) so I started considering canceling the event. That's when I finally woke up to what was really going on. It wasn't until I was really honest with myself and admitted how afraid I was that I could move forward.
The most interesting thing to me since then is I am totally back in my groove. Back on my daily schedule, getting things done, filling out my daily planner and following along. I'm back baby! And it feels really good. I feel like my old self again doing what I need to do instead of hiding behind a book.
Just because there is something that you really want doesn't mean you won't be afraid when it comes to the process. Be aware of this. Don't lose a month like I did. Ask yourself questions about how you are feeling and the actions you are taking. Is it possible you are sabotaging yourself? It happens all the time. And the hardest part is so much of it happens subconsciously so we may not even realize what is going on. Big dreams takes big nerve. Get your brave on. You can do anything you set your mind to. Don't let your brain trick you out of it. As I mentioned earlier, the brain actually does this to protect you. If you are doing something you've never done before the brain doesn't know how to react and it's trying to stop you. Yes, your brain is literally trying to stop you from doing new things because it doesn't know the outcome. Hey, I may make a complete fool of myself during this speech and my brain will be saying....haha, I told you not to do it. But I will survive. I will move on and adjust my plan. I will improve what needs improving or maybe I will decide public speaking isn't for me (i'm pretty sure I won't). But I do know this. No matter how it turns out, I won't die. I will be okay. I may humiliate myself. I may never be asked to speak at this venue again. I may turn fans into people who laugh at me. But no matter what the case turns out to be...there is only one way to find out. And I know, no matter what happens...I will be okay. I will survive.
What is holding you back? Is there something you've been putting off? Is there some underlying fear going on that you haven't acknowledged? Ask yourself some questions about whether you are going in the right direction and be on the look out for excuses.
It's a big scary world at times. But often we are way more afraid than we should be or have to be. We are the bosses and we can tell fear where to go. It's hump day! Go do something brave today and be your badass self. I'm cheering you on.