• The Hopefulist

Toxic behaviors - taking things personally

Ahh, the very toxic habit of worrying what other people say and think of us. Most of us, if not all, have this issue. It's hard to combat. No one likes when they feel like they are being judged or even worse, bashed for who they are or what they do. We tend to take everything so personally when often, a reaction has nothing to do with us.

If someone has an issue with the way you handle a situation it's usually because they would have done it differently. Therefore, it's about them...not you. If someone is judging you for your personality it's usually because it's something they lack or want for themselves even if they don't admit it. Have you ever noticed that people who get on your nerves the most are people that have the same characteristics that you don't like about yourself? You really don't dislike this person, you dislike what they mirror back to you. It's so much easier to get along with people once you understand this. I've been saying this for weeks now....the mind is so complex and there are all kinds of things going on in there we aren't really aware of.

Let's talk about strangers and how they treat you. Especially in this volatile time in our country. When the level of nastiness if off the charts in the way we treat each other. We get jumped on in a social media post and we stew about it for a day or two. Does this person know you, what you stand for, how you treat people and how you live your life? Probably not. So who cares what they think!!! Especially strangers...we tend to take comments from them more personally. I think it's because we are so offended that someone would be disrespectful when they don't know us. And it sucks. But it truly has nothing to do with you. It's all about their issues and their projections into this world.

Have you ever road rage? I have, and often! But it's really so silly. Let's piss off the person that is driving right next to us or behind us so we have to continue to deal with them for an undetermined amount of time. I was driving down the shore one day and traffic was backed up. After a while it started to free up and a convertible behind me passed and gave me the finger while going by. I have no idea why this guy was upset let alone be so nasty. The funny part is traffic started backing up again and I was now right behind him. Now he had to worry if I was going to retaliate for his assholeness. I didn't but this is how people end up in gunfights on the road. It's so offensive when people that don't even know you are so rude. Again, they don't know you. It has nothing to do with you. If you weren't there they would have done the same thing to someone else. It's their issue. It's not worth a fight...honestly. Now I just laugh. In fact, that makes them even more mad.

Or maybe it consider it from another angle. Maybe you are being cut off in traffic because someone is rushing to the hospital to get to their injured child. Or maybe they just got some really bad news and wants to get home as fast as they can. Or often, they just aren't paying attention. Then there are people who are lost and slow down, speed up, slow down again. Be patient. I know you are in a hurry. Think of this person as your grandmother. How would you feel if someone was giving your grandmother the finger and beeping at her?

It's so easy to take things so personally. But it really isn't personal. People will always act out and there were always be a target. Sometimes it may be you. Try to let it go. Try to bring up your compassion muscle and be a little more understanding. Not only will you avoid a potential fight but you won't be mad about it for the rest of the day. Let the other person "win". Who cares. You have better and more important things to worry about in your life.

What are some different reactions you can come up with to those who are nasty to you for no reason? Maybe no reaction at all? Think it over. It's stupid Thursday! One more day to the freaking weekend. Get on out there and be a badass. I'm cheering you on!

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