• The Hopefulist

Trusting yourself

Do you trust yourself? It's probably a question you don't ask yourself. So what is your initial feeling without putting a lot of thought into it? What feels like the right answer? Are you asking what the heck I mean? Do you believe you can handle anything that comes your way? Do you know that you will always be okay no matter what happens? Do you have the ability to see beyond your current circumstances knowing that great things are waiting for you?

These are pretty deep questions to be asking ourselves. And we tend to not want to delve in because it's so hard to face the answers. But this is why it's so important to dig deep into our fears, sensitivities and limiting beliefs. If you don't explore how you really feel you will continue to operate your life on auto pilot. And when you are on autopilot you get by instead of getting exactly what you want. Speaking of, you have to know exactly what you want also but that's another conversation for another time.

I've got some good news for you. You have survived every single trial and tribulation you have faced thus far in your life. You have a 100% success rate. If you didn't then you wouldn't be here. So you already know you are capable of so much. You have likely gone through things that you would never wish upon anyone. And look at you. Still here! Still getting up everyday and doing this thing called life. But you can do it better. That is why I always say; 'live life better'. I want you to live your life but better than you are now. And the ultimate in that would be trusting in yourself. Know that you are a survivor and you will keep on doing that over and over again no matter what you face.

The truth of the matter a lack of trust in yourself is very common. It's often why people stay in unsatisfying relationships, continue in frustrating jobs and don't try new things. We are most comfortable when we know what to expect. Our brains are literally wired to seek the same things over and over because it knows how to respond. So if you are going to a job everyday that you hate at least you know how most of your days are going to go while there. And the brain is okay with that. That is why it tells you things like; "you can't quit. What would you do? You may hate your job but it's a paycheck. It pays the bills. It gets you some of the things you want." Sure, you get to pay your bills but what else? Is that what life is all about? Just paying the bills and basic survival? We have evolved way past just mere survival. We are meant to thrive. We are meant to live out our wildest dreams. We are capable of doing whatever we want. As long as we trust in our ability to handle what life throws at us.

It's the same thing with staying in unsatisfying relationships. Our brain is doing all it can to keep you there because that is where it feels safe. Even if you are unhappy. Even if you are miserable. Even if you are unsafe. We fear leaving a relationship and starting a new life because that is some scary stuff. But when you believe in your ability to always be okay no matter what happens you become unstoppable. You know that you can do whatever you want and you will always survive just like you always have up till now. Remember, it's a 100% success rate in surviving everything that has ever happened to you.

It's been said that people who are controlling lack a trust in themselves. It's why they try to control every little thing. They are afraid they won't be able to handle an outcome that is different than the one they have planned. They lack a belief in themselves that they can adapt and adjust to what needs to be done in the moment. So they micromanage every little thing to avoid things going wrong. Don't get me wrong, we all want to avoid bumbling things up but there is a difference between planning something and trying to make something so perfect there is no room for something to go wrong (which isn't possible anyway). You are taking away the spontaneity which can often be the most fun.

This is definitely something I struggle with. I am a total control freak but I'm getting better. I've put myself in control rehab and I've loosened up quite a bit. And it's so freeing. I'm no longer white knuckling everything in my life. I'm not constantly on edge waiting for something to go off course so I can race in and try to correct it before it ruins whatever I think it's going to ruin. We have this idea in our head on how things should be or go and when it doesn't follow that plan we panic. We don't know what to do. But things aren't that dire. So what if everything doesn't go as planned. That's when we wing it. And usually have a lot more fun with it.

I used to be live on the radio everyday so there can very little mistakes without looking like an idiot. That is probably another reason I had such control issues. There were no second takes in live radio. If you messed up you did it front of all your listeners. But here's the thing, people really don't expect you to be perfect. Especially all the time. In fact, they actually kind of like it when you mess up. It makes you human.

I made a bet with my on air partner one time and whoever lost the best had to do the other person's job in addition to their own. When I lost I had to the news, weather and other duties I did everyday in addition to running the board pushing all the buttons that turned the mics on, made the commercials run and all the technical aspects of making the show run. At the time my boss had said maybe we can just pretend you are doing both so everything goes well. I told him it will be fun to see what happens. Without getting into too much detail I had forgotten to take the computer out of auto mode which automatically plays the next element while doing the news. We used a news sounder to signal the start of the news but since I didn't take the computer out of auto once that sounder was done it went right into a commercial while I was reading the news. It was a master cluster f. The commercial is playing while I'm still live on the air saying; "what did I do? How do I fix it?" while my partners runs around to my side of the board to try and fix everything. It was freaking hilarious! And honestly one of my favorite memories. And guess what? I didn't die! And I even kept my job. And I think people liked me a lot more because of that incident because it made me more human to them. Because let's be honest, we love to see other people mess up when it's outcome is funny.

So let loose a little bit. Don't keep such a tight grip on everything. Don't take everything so seriously. Know that no matter what happens you will be okay. It will all be okay. Have a little fun. Life isn't as serious as we make it out to be. We are supposed to be having fun and enjoying life. It's much more than survival at this point. We are meant to thrive.

Learning to trust yourself and the knowledge that you can get through anything is the key to freedom and living a life you truly deserve. If you want to get out of that relationship come up with an escape plan. What will you need to venture out on your own. And ask for help for pete's sake. People really do want to help. It's the same with getting out of a miserable job. You spend so much time at work. Don't be unhappy there. Figure out another way to make money. Look for jobs where you can work from home. Maybe you can consult on something. Maybe you can start your own business doing something you love. Make a plan. Believe in yourself and the fact that you are capable of doing whatever it is you want.

You can do it. You have the power. You always have. You just need to believe in and trust yourself.

If you like this episode please let your friends know! Now, go out there and be badass this week. I'm still here cheering you on.

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