• The Hopefulist

When it's your time


What's more fun? The actual picture or the ones of us getting ready for the picture? I definitely think the latter! It shows the true essence of who we are and the what sort of time we were really having. After a wonderful Galentine's Day gathering I wanted to share my fun time and show my gratitude for my girls who made the day so special.


The next day as I was scrolling through social media I saw a long post to those ladies who are seeing posts such as mine about getting together with your girls and feeling envy and sadness that you didn't have the opportunity to indulge in some sort of gathering. At first I felt bad and guilty for causing someone else inadequate feelings. Then I got mad because there have been many years I watched others celebrate the good things in their life with nothing to celebrate of my own. But then I felt bad again because I remember my own feelings of envy and sadness at not having the same. So, I mulled things over for the rest of the day.


I'm at a good place in my life right now. I have someone to celebrate and spoil me on Valentine's Day and a great group of girls to spend time with. But there were many years I didn't have either of these things. And ironically I think Galentine's Day was invented for those who don't have a significant other but now there is guilt associated with celebrating that day. Much of this guilt is brought on myself. No one is making me feel this way other than the way I'm taking the discussion around it. Am I taking it wrong? Or should I feel bad about celebrating the moments I have been waiting many years for?


Here is what I came up with. I have been blessed to have a lot of friends most of my life. Even so there hasn't always been the chance for us all to get together like I would have liked. But there are a couple of things to note here. One of the reasons I have been blessed with a lot of friends and I keep friends for long periods of time is because I make those friendships a priority. I reach out, keep in touch and try to be the kind of friend a particular person needs. When I meet someone new and think they may be a good friend to have I attempt to keep in touch with them and offer up get togethers. It's not always easy and it doesn't always work. I have many examples of people I tried to form a friendship with that never happened. But I keep trying.


The other thing to keep in mind is maybe you should be the one to take the reigns of the gatherings for your group. My friend Dana arranged our get together on Saturday and she started talking and planning it two weeks beforehand. She got a couple of no's for the event and then worked on them to convince them to come. At one point it was just Dana and I but things turned around in the days leading up and we ended up with five gals. If you don't have someone in your group who arranges these types of things be the arranger. If you do the work people will usually be more than happy to enjoy the fruits of your labor.


It reminds me of our annual BBQ we have each summer for our neighbors. We started it the first summer we lived here and invited the people who lived directly around us who we already knew. Then those neighbors invited us to their events which lead to meeting more neighbors and now they are invited to the BBQ as well. It gets bigger with more people every year and it's something everyone looks forward to every year. We make the main dishes and everyone usually brings a side dish or dessert.


I will typically get a picture of the group and post it on our community Facebook page. Last year there was a woman who commented that she wished people on her street did something like this. I told her if she organized and hosted that people would come. It's true. Be the one to take the initiative and plan it. Most of my neighbors had been here for many years but as the newcomer I got everyone together as a welcome ourselves to the neighborhood. Should it be the other way around? Maybe. But I have a feeling I would still be waiting for those invites. There has to be someone who organizes things. Why not you?


If you wish you had a cool girls gathering then plan it. And make it so great that everyone will want to come to all your parties and invite you to theirs. And when you do have a great event...share the success of it without guilt. We all have our moments. Sometimes it's my time and sometime's it's your time. But there is nothing wrong with sharing the blessings in your life. Like I mentioned earlier, I am lucky to be with the love of my life and have great friends so I got to share my Galentine and Valentine day happenings. But there were many years I didn't have either of these things. So I won't allow self induced guilt over whether I should be sharing my good fortune.


It's Monday already! A brand new week full of possibilities and opportunities. Now go make them happen and hey....be badass! I'm here, cheering you on.

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