• The Hopefulist

Women vs. Men

As we finish up our discussion about toxicity I thought I would address something that we don't talk about very often. The way girls are brought up compared to the way boys are brought up. Especially if you are part of the boomer or generation X. It is starting to change and I applaud this but for those of us who were raised in the old school....what about us? What they hell am I talking about? I'm talking about what little boys are told growing up versus what little girls are told.

Many of us grew up in a time when little boys were told completely different things than their girl counterparts. Boys were typically told they were strong, brave and powerful. While girls are told they are to be sweet, nice and pretty. Do you see the difference there. The first thing that jumps out at me is that boys are told what they are....things that are inherently born with. While girls are told characteristics about the way they should behave. I think this explains so much.

I was discussing in my speech about how we all feel so cheesy and corny doing affirmations. We can't seem to look at ourselves in the mirror and tell ourselves how lovable, capable and powerful we are. But we don't seem to have any trouble bashing ourselves. We often call ourselves names like an idiot, lazy, fat, frumpy, slacker...etc. We usually say these things in front of others as well. But we can't bring ourselves to toot our own horn. Because we were raised to believe that good girls don't do that. Think about it. We tend to downplay our successes. Maybe you don't...and I applaud you if that is the case. But as a whole we tend to say that we are lucky or come up with a reason why it really wasn't because of us we had success.

For example, when I stopped into the venue where my speech was taking place to check on the amount of people registered I was told that they were getting a good response. I said to the woman; "I've been begging people to come." That was absolutely not true. I didn't beg one person to come. In fact, I don't think I asked anyone to come other than a friend or two. Everyone else decided to come to either hear what I had to say or just to support me. Why did I feel the need to downplay the fact that people were interested in my event? I think it is just habit at this point. It's what I'm used to doing. I've been doing it my whole life. I always say things like, I've been lucky or downplaying all the hard work I've done to get where I am, whether it has to do with my career or where I live or the way I live my life.

I think part of the reason is because little girls were taught to not brag. Nice girls don't do that. And when women do have the nerve to applaud themselves, they often get torn down by our fellow women. I talked about this a few weeks ago and part of the reason is it's uncomfortable for us to do it so we are resentful when we see others do it. How dare they sing their own praises. That's not what nice girls do. We have been encouraged to downplay our accomplishments our whole lives so it seems boastful and conceited when we see others touting their achievements.

But here is my question. Why do we have no problem speaking out loud what we don't like about ourselves but can't bring ourselves to sing our own praises? We women are truly warriors. We have accomplished so much. We have endured so much! Why are we afraid to say we are proud of what we've done. If men pushed a human out of their body do you think they would ever stop talking about how hard that experience was? But we are supposed to just go with it because it's what women do.

I do believe this is starting to change. I think little girls are being brought up with different words now and thank goodness. It's about freaking time. But we can turn this around for ourselves. We can start singing our own praises. We can take ownership of our accomplishments and where we are in this world. I think we NEED to celebrate ourselves. We need to stop saying we are lucky. We need tell people how hard we work to get what we have. It's actually a disservice to others to act like you were just lucky. No, it was because of all my hard work and you can have it all too if you work hard enough. The people closest to you know your heart and that you aren't bragging or being conceited. You are merely doing what men have been doing without judgement for years. Tooting your own horn. So start doing it! And hopefully soon, it won't be taboo. Let's lead the charge and be the change for the little women coming up.

Next week we will start our focus on living with intention. And it starts with a focus on health. I'm so excited for this next chapter! Oh yay, for Fri-yay. Hope you can grab a cocktail later. Have a fantastic weekend and be safe in whatever you do! Now go be a badass. You know I'm cheering you on!

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