• The Hopefulist

You're not TOO anything

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about something she said that hurt my feelings. She explained that she didn't mean it the way I took it. Okay, great. I'm glad I brought it up and we worked through it. But at the end of the conversation she said; "stop being so sensitive" which isn't the first time I've heard this. I just simply replied; "I am sensitive". And she said that she knows I am.

Neither one of us was wrong in what we did. She said something that I took the wrong way. I brought it up to her and realized maybe she didn't mean it the way I took it. It was okay that she said it and it was okay that I clarified it. But what you should never happen is someone telling you how you should be. I am sensitive and my friends should take that into consideration when talking to me. And if I do get my feelings hurt don't make me feel like it's my fault that happened.

I've been told all kinds of things that I am "too" about. I'm too loud, I'm too reactive, I'm too much. I take things too seriously. I take things too personally. And all of these are true. And if you agree that whatever "too" you are being accused of is accurate you can commit to trying to change it but because you want to. Not because of what someone else thinks.

I had a falling out with a friend once when she accused me of taking things too personally and making everything about me. I hadn't heard from her much and I had reached out to see if everything was okay. She didn't respond to me at all. I figured that wasn't a good sign. I let a little time pass and reached out again saying if she was upset with me about something I'd like to know what it was so we can hopefully fix it. She proceeded to go off on me about how busy she was and everything isn't about me. I discussed the situation with someone else who is close to me who said that I do have a habit of making things about me when they aren't. That she probably was just busy and I took it to be about me. I have put a lot of thought into this and I would still do what I did over again. I was reaching out to a friend and was ignored. I took that to mean there was some sort of issue with me so I proceeded accordingly. But when I was told by someone else that I do take things too personally I felt like I was had done something wrong. Like I was doing something wrong. And maybe in certain situations I had but not always. And I truly tried to reconcile the situation to no avail.

So in just these two instances I was told I was being "too" something. And I disagree with both of them. There are times I do agree. I do react quickly to things in a negative way. I do always assume the worst (I'm getting better!) but these are things I agree with and would like to change. But that is my decision. No one else's and don't let anyone tell you are "too" of anything.

It's actually a bit of manipulation when this happens. When I'm told I have to stop being so sensitive that is because that person doesn't want to have to worry about my feelings. And guess what? I am who I am. If you can't take a little extra care in the way you say things then I'm not that important to you.

Did you ever have someone say they have to walk on egg shells around you? I have and it made me feel terrible. It made me feel like I was making their life more difficult because they felt the need to have to watch everything they said around me. There may have been times in my life when I took things the wrong way but berating me for being sensitive was the not the way to go about it. Because you shouldn't be asking people to change their reactions to you. You should be asking how to get that person to have the reaction you would like them to have for themselves. Are you following me?

And the craziest part of this is when someone tells you you are too something it automatically brings up these feelings that you are doing something wrong. That you need to be the one to change. And that is not true at all. That is why when my friend told me to stop being so sensitive I just calmly replied back that I am sensitive. And I'm not ashamed of that. I won't be made to feel bad about that. My friends should take that into account when talking to me just like I should be taking their personality traits into account when talking to them.

I know being around someone who is sensitive can be exhausting. I'm not nearly as sensitive as I used to be but it still pops up. And keep in mind that people who are sensitive are usually just trying to get approval on some level. In my case, I grew up in a situation where I didn't feel like I did much right so now I'm overly sensitive about certain things. It's just the way I am. I'm working on it and trying to overcome these inadequate feelings but my being sensitive has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the baggage I have from living my particular life.

But if you are around someone who you feel is overly sensitive step lightly. And if you gather you said something that was offensive just ask what the other person what you said that upset them. Then talk about it. No one should be walking on egg shells around others but we can also go the extra mile to try to make sure feelings aren't being hurt. And when they are to communicate about them in a calm, rationale way. Keep your defenses down and just listen. Then you can come to an understanding.

There is one exception to being "too" something. You are likely too hard on yourself. And that is something I am constantly encouraging you to stop. We have so much against us each day and so much to overcome from what we've been through in the past. Do not let someone make you feel like you are doing something wrong because it may make them uncomfortable. Nope, that's a them problem. Not a you problem.

If you wold like to dig deeper on some of these issues please check out my website for the services I offer. Hopefulist.com/training. We could work together to make sure you are being the you that you love no matter what with no apologies.

Thank you for listening today and please share this podcast with your friends! I would most appreciate it. Now go on out there and be badass this week. I'm always here cheering you on.

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